I was broken up with by someone i still love and wish i could be with. So, i got a dog and started a blog. Naturally.

i got a dog because i feel like one most the time. He’s a rescue, parvo survivor, very clingy, has lots of anxiety and had never really seen much of the world before this.

im clingy and anxious yes, but deeper than that i feel like a dog due to my fucked up sense of loyalty. Because of how hard i bite when im scared. and that they’re disposable in the eyes of many- due to their “bad behavior”. But like a child, a dog does not know better. It is following primal instincts when it lashes out. I bite with my words when im in danger.

Im not a bad person, my dog isnt a bad dog. So, we will sit like this and i will learn to love myself through loving him.

“Dogs are euthanized when they taste blood 
Because there is a fear the dog will never be the same again
That they will crave it and teeth will meet flesh once more
I understand now.
You tasted like my childhood 
Like blood and burning 
Like hate and insanity 
I crave it all again
What I thought I escaped from is inside me 
Teeth meet flesh 
I don’t bleed enough, not when it’s not your hands holding the knife 
I want to be devoured, hated 
I want to hate, I want the blood from my wrists to stain 
I want screaming, I want fists, I want threats 
You tasted like my childhood but so so much worse 
I am a dog who will never be the same”

-S.D

I just want to sleep and be alone, i just wanted a simple life. I dont even want to drink, (im an alcoholic) i hope that means im better but i know it means i just dont care anymore. It’s like a divorce, you know its over when you stop fighting. I think im going to sleep now.